I saw “I Saw the TV Glow” recently, haha, that was fun to write. It shook me and yes, yes, everything shakes me. But not really, just the good stuff. I want to be humble and say “stuff that is good to me”, but no I have incredibly good taste in my choice of media consumption. Except that one time, I let my friends convince me to watch Brickleberry. But I'm past defending things I enjoy even if they're bad, whatever that means, but I don't have to defend ISTTG because it was brilliant.
Okay, Theo, this is the part where you stop reading because you haven’t seen it yet.
Before I go into why I enjoyed it so much, I want to start with all the reviews I saw after. I don’t believe in things not being made for certain people. That is, this wasn’t a story only queer, neurodivergent, or think of any type of “other” would enjoy. Still, I do believe in that thing Eloghosa said about stories not opening themselves to you until you’re ready I saw it happen in real time too.
I saw the film with my baby brother who isn’t much of a baby anymore. He’s a Cis-surprisingly-het man so that was interesting, and for some reason, I’d forgotten what I’d seen in the trailer that made me want to even see the film (outside two of my favorite queer actors) which meant I thought it was going to be scary. So, I watched the first, idk, 20 minutes? Holding my duvet close enough to my chin to cover my face if need be, while my brother lay excitedly beside me, laughing and not at all scared.
I could hear all the sounds that led to jump scares and see the dark hallways that had me feeling uneasy but nothing was happening until Maddy appeared on screen 5 years later. I became increasingly interested and sat up and suddenly, my brother was hiding his face and muttering multiple wtf’s.
I watched this character who had left their person behind come back to save her, to tell her life is possible. That you will feel like you’re dying at first but then it will stop and you will come up for air and be free. I saw them ask them to try, trust in who they are, and follow them. I saw them say it’s not too late, you can do this, take my hand. I saw them say I see you, I’ve always seen you, I came back to hell just for you, and I saw that person say no even though she was dying inside and outside. I saw her say no and suffer for it, I saw her wither, I saw her apologize for who she was, and I saw no one else notice. That to me was the biggest horror. That had me in tears and left me in shock for days after.
That had me asking myself when I’d be ready for a transition that isn’t social.
For me, good TV is when it makes me feel something. When I feel too much or I'm at a loss for words. It’s when I can't sleep after. When it’s all I talk about for days. When I watch interviews and clips, I try to cling to the feeling the show or movie gave me. When I feel inspired to create. And “I Saw the TV Glow was good TV. It was the best TV. I do not understand or process the emotions I feel quickly enough. Still, I’ll always be able to comprehend excitement or happiness however fleeting because of TV which in turn, is why I know the absence of it. All this to say, good TV should make you feel something, anything.
It was so important to me to see these two characters who loved a show so much, it became a second language for them and a big part of their lives and identity. Because really, the best decision I’ve ever made in my life at god knows what age was to be a fangirl (Idk I associate fanboy with extremist anime enthusiast and maybe I should say fan but it’s not the same). I love immersing myself in the internet culture of the art someone puts their all into. I have inside jokes that only I and a million other people understand. I can curate my socials to show me these things too.
But outside the metaphors in this film, I saw the TV glow. I stayed up later than my bedtime until they showed Out of Jimmy Head and Cramp Twins and Inspector Gadget and the show with the Balerian. I snuck back to the living room to watch the Disney original movies they showed at night and if you ever watch a kind of magic, you were one of us.
I convinced my dad to let my siblings and I have a TV in my room and watched many old movies on the lowest volume. This movie made me feel seen in so many ways. I’ve always felt more seen by characters on screen than people in real life and I always go back to my favourite ones. The writer gets it too. That feeling of going back to something you loved, something that changed you, and seeing that it was kind of ordinary, except, good TV is also what saves your life when you need saving.
My best friend and I were talking about how sucky “Girl Meets World” is in 2024 but it was friendship at its best in 2017. It makes me sad that in a couple of years, we’d probably look at “Marvels Runaways” and nitpick at the plot holes but god do I miss those insane hours we spent talking about the queer couple as baby gays and new friends. There are shows I can’t think about without thinking of Theo, I love that we have that—Our shows.
I always talk about art that saves me because that’s at least 50% of what keeps me going. A new show here, a new graphic novel there, some article by a favorite writer, a new album. I always have something to look forward to when everything else is mundane and tiresome.
Anyway, I don’t have any profound thought to end this but if you do watch the movie and I hope you do, I hope it’s at the right time and it opens itself to you. Also, If you listened to, watched, or read something that didn’t make sense to you long ago, you probably should try it again. Who fucking knows huh? It might change your life.
I’m into self-torture so of course at my unhappiest, all I consume is romance. Let’s roll out the recs, shall we?
Notting Hill:
I mostly watched this for Julia Robert’s stunning smile, then for the gut-wrenching experience of wanting someone you can’t have, and then to figure out how that man kept his bookstore running when nobody ever bought anything.
Practical Magic:
I just really like witches, the romance did nothing for me.
The Proposal:
Oh, I love a good retelling of Taming of the shrew, kind of (is that misogyny? now that I think about it, to want to subdue a woman, goddamn it but the precipice of the story is that she doesn’t change, she lets love). I like passion and longing when it’s not happening to me. The longing that is.
My Lady Jane:
I was having an exceptionally horrid day when I saw this and let me tell you how it fixed me. Enemies to lovers is where it’s at. It’s also so funny and I am once again a sucker for retellings.
The Boy and the Heron:
While this is not romance, except maybe a romanticization of grief, I have been waiting for what felt like 10 million years to see this and I mean you should. It’s Studio Ghibli. It’s wow. I love when artists are at a place where they make art for themselves first. It’s not their business if it makes sense to you or if something out of it is not their business. Hungry art is cool but content art? That’s where it’s at.
As usual, “ It's your privilege to find me incomprehensible. I gave you my minutes; let them remain ours.”
Disclaimer: Mistakes are all mine, but I’m also dyslexic, so pardon the typos.